Should I be ashamed of myself? 8
I’ve asked myself this question. A lot. Just as I’m sure anyone who has ever received government assistance has asked themselves this question. And if you’re on some kind of government assistance (and even if you’re not…) and haven’t asked yourself this question lately, maybe you should. Because it’s a good question to not only ask yourself, but to wrestle with, and to come to some sort of conclusion on.
I’ve wrestled with it. And I’ve concluded that no, I am not and should not be ashamed to be on government assistance.
I’ve got to admit, even writing that feels just a little wrong because of how I was raised. But I think I’ve finally come to the place where I can be on things like SNAP without being ashamed.
But why not? Shouldn’t I hang my head down low for not being able to make ends meet without resorting to digging my hands into other peoples’ pockets? Shouldn’t I be ashamed of myself for not looking for another job that’s more regular and pays better than what I currently do (substitute teach), or for not demanding that my husband get a part-time job on top of his full-time work? Shouldn’t I do everything I can to stay off of government assistance, especially since I’m so critical of the programs and think that our society would be better off if the government left these sorts of things to churches and local non-profits?
No, I’m not ashamed that I’m on SNAP, or that I used to be on WIC, even though I could tell my husband to get another job (which would mean he would never be there for me or the kids). Even though I could get a better paying, more demanding job for myself (which would mean the kids would need to go to childcare, and that I wouldn’t be able to home school them). Even though I benefit from government assistance when I could get by without it, and even though I bite the hand that feeds me.
Regarding this last point, I’ve mentioned many times before how everyone benefits from the government from tax payer dollars. Some get tax credits. Others got stimulus checks. Those who could afford new cars (aka “rich” people) got cash for clunkers. And a whole lot of people send their kids to public school.
Public education is not free education. It costs tax payers over $10,000 per year for each student to attend public school. I receive far less than this via SNAP and the EITC, which supplement our income enough so that I can stay at home with my kids and give them an education there. So I’m actually saving tax payers money by what I’m doing.
I’m certainly not saying I’m content to remain on SNAP forever. Even every other month or so, we reevaluate our situation to see if we still need assistance. And if we think we can manage for awhile without it, we get off, even if we still qualify. But I also wouldn’t fault others for continuing to remain on it, even if they can squeeze by without it. I’m assuming each person has wrestled with whether or not it’s morally acceptable for themselves to receive these benefits. So unless I intimately know their situation, I have very little right to judge anyone for abusing the system.
I’m sure they’re out there. I’m sure there are tons of lazy, greedy people on WIC and SNAP, and I think I’ve met quite a few. And they ought to be ashamed of themselves. But I don’t think they represent a majority of people on these programs, and I’m certainly not ashamed of my participation in them. Are you?
Yes I am ashamed of it. It is not something that I ever wanted to be on in the first place, but I took it to survive. However, if I was able to work I would be working 2 or 3 jobs if need be. I feel better when I buy something that I earned myself or eating something that was paid for by the fruit of my labours.
Old Testament
Wisdom and Humility – Proverbs 3:7. 3:13
Bible Verses
Do not be wise in your own eyes; Fear the Lord and depart from evil. Happy is the man who finds wisdom, And the man who gains understanding.
Commentary
One of the sins we need to watch for as Christians is pride and arrogance. This can happen because of our salvation and the works of our hands. Like the parable of the Pharisee and the Tax Collector we need to be careful and prayerful that our faith does not become a source of pride. We should not lift ourselves above others. Satan would love to use us to discourage those who are lost and keep someone from the Kingdom of God. Instead we are to help one another as in serving the Lord with humility.
The other danger with developing an attitude of pride is that it keeps us from reaching those who do not know Christ. Often times when we develop pride over our religious activities we want to show those off by involving ourselves only in social circles that allow us to display our Christian skills. When that happens we can forget to serve those in need and we can quickly develop a heart that has grown cold to those who do not know Jesus.
I’m married and have 3 children and one on the way. I was recently laid off from a very well paying job (over $70K/year) so our new situation has been very difficult to adjust to. Everything that we could cancel or disconnect has been but we are still struggling to get by, living paycheck to paycheck, praying for someone to have a birthday because it means a card in the mail with cash. This month we applied for and began receiving Medicaid for the kids and myself (because I’m pregnant I qualify) and also WIC. My husband (who works for a state government agency) feels like if we qualify and need the help then we should use the programs out there available to us, but being the one who takes the kids to the doctor and being the one who does the grocery shopping, I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t self-conscience when using my card/vouchers. I know that we need the help, but it was a tough decision because of the stipulation that comes with being on the programs and because it’s admitting that you/we need help.
Getting laid off from a job is totally different than choosing not to work. I would urge you to get a part time job on weekends until the baby comes and bank every paycheck, so that you might have something to help sustain you while you are recovering. I assume that you are also getting unemployment because you were laid off.
Stephanie, I wish I could get a part time job but I can’t find anything. Every manager I talk to says something similar to “My, you’re very over qualified for this position” and when I explain the situation, they realize that I’m not going to be a long term employee and skip on me (which I can’t blame them for, it’s the smart thing to do for their business.) The last few applications I’ve put in for weekend work, I’ve actually left my education off because it’s creating a bias (and driving me crazy!)
And no, in the state I was working in (FL) I hadn’t been with the company long enough to qualify for unemployment. I’d been relocated to FL with my company but then my location was severely downsized (I’d been there 5 months and in FL you have to have been working in the state for at least 6 months to quality for unemployment.)
My husband took a job back in SC and in the town we’re living in, there’s no hope that I’ll get a job paying even half of what I was making before, so for now staying home with the kids to avoid the cost of daycare and that is all I can do to help. (In my area, daycare will cost $400 each week and go up to $585 once the baby comes…that’s over $30,000 each year just for daycare!) I haven’t seen a job listed anywhere close to where we’re living that pays more than $35,000…so I wouldn’t even bring home enough to pay for the daycare. As you can see, we’ve thought about this from every angle.
So, for now, I’m staying home with the kids (and we aren’t in some awesome house either – like we once were- we’re in a two bedroom apartment (that’s right, with 5 people and a baby on the way), with no cable, basic internet (because my hubby is on call and has to have it for work), and not much else. We can’t afford a storage unit so everything that doesn’t fit in our little apartment was sold or given to Goodwill.
We need the assistance we are getting and I’m not ashamed that we have it, I’m more ashamed that I feel like I can’t provide for my family…there’s a difference. However, the stigmatism that goes along with needing to be on these programs is awful…as if I don’t feel awful enough, now I have to see the looks in people’s faces in the grocery store. They have no idea what’s going on with my family, yet the judging is so intense….it’s an awful feeling.
It is an awful feeling, but much grace can come from it. It teaches one humility. You needn’t feel shame however, or like you need to defend yourself to people who have no idea of your personal situation. You are doing something loving for your children by feeding them the best way you can, despite the stigma. Don’t discount the work you do at home with your little ones either. There’s nothing more difficult or loving that you could do for them than what you’re doing now at home with them. There is great merit in rearing your children well and with love. If you are able to find side work too with the sewing, who could ask for more? You’re doing your best. Feel no shame.
Also, I wanted to add that during nap times and quiet times I sew blankets and quilts that I sell online – so I’m trying to do something with the time/skills that I have.
Despite what Anon says I am not unsympathetic to Johannas plight. My suggestion was to get a part time if able. Because money is tight after losing a job and any little bit helps, usually people who are laid off normally get unemployment if they qualify.